{the.not.so.magical.world.of.disney.part.one}

For all of you Disney fans out there, you might want to skip the next few blogs. But I feel the need to share the following information for all of you even considering a trip to Disney World. It might save your life. (OK, maybe not your life. You get my point.)

The girls and I load up in my mom's car, excited about the magical experience ahead of us. (OK, the girls were excited. I rarely get geared up for a car ride with little people.) Two minutes into the trip, Addy asks if we're there yet and can we see the castle yet. Um, no. I explain - It's going to be LOOOOOONG ride, OK? We've already broken open the fruit snacks and requested a beverage. What am I? An airline stewardess? Several minutes later, Addy wonders if we can see the castle yet. Um, no. It's going to be a LOOOONG ride. And so it goes. And goes. And goes. We watch Frosty the Snowman for the tenth time. I have already memorized the movie at this point. Addy begins pulling out wires and cries when her DVD player doesn't work. Imagine that. Delaney is oblivious to everything and happily watches Frosty dance down the street. And so it goes. Lunch is rather uneventful, except that Addy doesn't feel the need to go potty. I know it's going to hit her five minutes down the road. And it does. Grammy mercifully pulls off on a sketchy exit and we find some bar-ish place to use the potty. Guess what? Addy doesn't go. I've risked picking up multiple diseases for no good reason. And so it goes. We finally arrive in the vicinity of our hotel, and we actually find it, thanks to Grammy's GPS lady, who I'll affectionately refer to as panties-in-a-wad girl. Seriously, we make one wrong turn, and she's FREAKING OUT. I can freak out on my own. I do it very well. I don't need some computer lady stressing out with me. Gracious. We finally locate the hotel, and the check-in goes surpisingly well.

We decide to head over to Disney to pick up our tickets for the next two days and, of course, we get lost. Again, panties-in-a-wad GPS girl freaks out, and we join her. We finally ask this guy who couldn't have been more than 18, and he just smiles and gracefully lets us know that we can park our car right where we are. We have arrived at our destination. The ticket window takes longer than expected, but that's actually OK as the girls desperately needed to run. I'm not sure how many people appreciated our antics, but I really didn't care. If THEY had been in the car with two little girls for 5 1/2 hours, they would have done the same thing.

We hop back in the car to grab a bite to eat and then back to the hotel. Nothing big to report, here, except that Addy doesn't really eat anything, which continues to be a theme throughout the trip. It's one thing when you're paying $2.99 for a kids meal. It's a whole different ball game when Disney charges four times for the same thing. I mean, seriously, where does Disney have the right to overcharge you for EVERYTHING? Anyway, we return to the hotel, anxiously anticipating meeting my grandmother and aunt, only to discover they had missed their flight. Ugh. Time for bed, then!

The girls are super excited as we snuggle them in their beds, but we finally get them to sleep. However, little did I know what kind of night I was in for. It was bad. Very bad. Addy awoke at 1 am and asked if it was "wake up time." Um, no. Not at all. Then, she asked if the princesses were awake. As sweetly as I could, I explained that all of the princesses were sleeping too, because they knew they needed a good night sleep to have fun in the park tomorrow. Then she asked if they all slept at the castle. How do you explain that to a two year old? I tried, patiently I might add. She was not convinced. And so the questions continued. 2 am rolled around, and I am no longer answering her questions as sweetly as before. I'm getting frustrated, but I'm trying to remember that she's excited and in a new place. I'm seriously praying that God would please, please, please put Addy to sleep. For a long time. A really long time. God, apparently, thought I needed a lesson in patience insted. 3 am rolled around and now I'm ready to throw my child. She has played with all of the window blinds, jumped on the bed, played every sound on my sound machine, asked me another million questions (mostly concering the princesses and the castle), and requested to go potty several times. 4 am rolled around, and I am contemplating how to sleep under the bed. Or just run away. Or hop in Grammy's car and never return. I am beyond angry. I want to go home. NOW. My head is spinning, and my little Addy doesn't seem to pick up on my mad tones and expressions. She has been spanked twice at this point. (If you don't believe in spanking, you apparently don't have a child like Addy. I will loan her to you whenever you wish.) Nothing is working. FINALLY at 4:45, Addy gives up and decides to get a little beauty sleep. I do the same, and we awake at 7:45 am, which would be a record, except that we had been up for 4 and a half hours. I wake up extremely angry, and I really don't want to have anything to do with the magical world of Disney.

Nonetheless, I decide to try and have a good attitude (I say try because I failed miserably. I said some ugly things. I cried buckets of tears. I acted like a two year old. I am ashamed.) I go to grab my clothes for the day ahead and if the day already started out bad, this was a low point. Apparently, my hairspray nozzle had been set off while travelling and ALL of my unmentionables had received a lovely layer of hairspray. Have you ever worn hairsprayed panties? It will not put you in a good mood. At all. And I was already in a bad mood. Can you imagine me? Not a pretty sight.

I'll fill you in on how me and my hairsprayed panties did at Disney World tomorrow. I'm sure you can only imagine.